OH: "If I can grow a sphincter in a petri dish,... →
Mini-Me: Richy, Hemingway pissed on the rug behind the couch. Richy: No, he didn’t. Mini-Me: Yes, he pissed all over it. Richy: He did not pee on it. Mini-Me: Yes, he threw up on it. Me: (in hysterics) Pissing means peeing. Mini-Me: Oh.
Me: I hate you Coworker: now Baby Huey is in MY bathroom taking a shit Me: nevermind, he just peed Coworker: Shhh. Don’t interrupt my piano concerto lol Coworker: So many fun apps not enough fiber in my diet to enjoy them all.